-Illiterate --
I know a man
who reads all inscriptions on ancient stones
and who knows
the grammar of all languages, dead or alive,
but who cannot read
the eyes of a woman
whom he thinks he loves.
Shadab Vajdi
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
«Às vezes, tu dizias: Os teus olhos são peixes verdes!
E eu acreditava.
Acreditava,porque ao teu lado
todas as coisas eram possíveis.
Mas isso era no tempo dos segredos.
Era no tempo em que o teu corpo era um aquário.
Era no tempo em que os meus olhos
eram os tais peixes verdes.
Hoje são apenas os meus olhos.
É pouco, mas é verdade:
uns olhos como todos os outros.
Já gastámos as palavras.
Quando agora digo: meu amor...,
já não se passa absolutamente nada.
E, no entanto, antes das palavras gastas,
tenho a certeza
de que todas as coisas estremeciam
só de murmurar o teu nome
no silêncio do meu coração.
Não temos já nada para dar.
Dentro de ti
não há nada que me peça água.
O passado é inútil como um trapo.
E já te disse: as palavras estão gastas.
Adeus »
Eugénio de Andrade
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
One way....
"When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No, I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me,
so* Darling darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain
Should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me, and
Whenever you're in trouble
Won't you stand by me, oh stand by me...
I remember living in a total nightmare during 7 years of my life...7 long years that made me change so deeply that when I look back at the person that I was, I can't even understand how I was able to deal with all the cruel things that were inflicted to my sister and my close family. I was Miss Syrup, the kind of person that believed in fairytales and that love always prevails over evil...I lost track of how many people tried to harm us, discourage us, betray us...when I believed that my world was perfect and family and friends would see us through, I discovered that when your life is not perfect anymore, most people disappear, even people from your family...specially if your problem takes too long to solve...everyone gets used to it and stops caring or thinks we are making a big fuss over nothing...
During that time, I had some very low, low moments when I was so angry at God and believed Him to be so unfair I wouldn't even open my heart to Him. And all the while I believed, I believed that some miracle would happen and I wouldn't feel so alone, so lost, so weak every single day anymore. Was this blind faith? Maybe... but that was what got me going. That blind faith and learning how to channel my anger towards making people see I would do it without their help, no matter what. So, during that time, I had to learn how to evolve from being daddy's girl to a Big Sister that knew how to make every thing right. The pressure on me was enormous and I had so many nights when I cried and cried myself to sleep because I was so afraid I wouldn't be capable to keep my sister and my nephew safe...All that time, I had to forget about how afraid of life I was because I had to fight these huge dragons for them...And I ended up discovering that taking a stand and fighting gives you courage, no matter how afraid you are, how small you feel...
The song I started my blog with, even if very old, was "discovered" by me and my sister Sonia the first time we were in America, in 88, I was 15 and she was 13. And we knew then that we would stand by each other forever. I do believe that deep down in our hearts we have some knowledge of the ordeals that await us. And I know no matter what, my sister Sonia will stand by me as I stood by her because that's the way it's supposed to be. So, if I had to do it all over again or for an even longer period of time, I would, no questions about it.
All the while, to make things a bit more challenging, I had this amazing abbility to fall in love with the absolutely wrong people. I was attracted to them like a moth to the light. And even though they knew I couldn't take anymore sufering, anymore hurt in my life, they took all the love I gave them because I made them feel better. They felt they were better persons for I only saw the beauty inside. Not their insecurities, not their frustrations, their selfishness...I only saw the amazing people they could be if they were not afraid to follow their hearts.
It is quite amazing how I could attract the same kind of people into my heart over and over again. But there is a reason for it though...When we are not aware of our own value,of what we are worth, we end up attracting people that thrive on other people's admiration, other people's affection.
I remember being very self-conscious of my looks since an early age. How could I not be, when my family is full of beautiful women and I ended up comparing myself with my sisters who were so popular and always knew what to say...And because I was a bit clumsy, a bit odd, I never felt I was pretty enough, that guys would only look at me after they were tired of admiring my sisters or so....All this, added to pure shyness made me very insecure, very uneasy with guys. So, when these "wrong" persons approached me, I felt quite blessed by life , for I was so undeserving of their attention...yes, quite pathetic...but it was the way I was back then, when I was in my twenties...
The good thing of getting older is learning from our experiences, from our mistakes...I like when life makes me open up my eyes and realize I have been oh so wrong about something. And one of the things I learned was that looks aren't everything. Because there are a lot of beautiful people with such ugly insides I cannot even see beauty when I look at them. And I am more receptive to beautiful souls than to beautiful faces right now..
Wow, such a long blog. I can't even recall why I started writing it. It had something to do with realizing how many people are tainted by life, by relationships. Because most people I knew suffered at one point in their lives or are still suffering from loving the wrong persons for them. Why are we so blind when we fall in love? Why don't we listen to that little voice in our heart saying something is not quite well? Because we are so involved in having that person in our life that we don't care about the price we must pay. But it should not be like that. Love should be only about loving and being loved in return...that's the whole point in love. Not loving only in 1-way mode...
4 Comments - 4 Kudos -
Julie
Such an amazing, heart-felt blog. It made me think. It inspired me. None of us are alone in this world, even though we think or feel that we are. This blog should be turned into an article in a magazine. Great writing.
Posted by Julie on Sunday, January 22, 2006 at 3:20 PM
Claudia
Thank you. I am trying to be worthy of more compliments from you...
Posted by Claudia on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 6:54 PM
Linda
I love you.
I love you for all the different things you are: the sweet, the strong, the funny, the unsecure, the shy, the lovely, the princess, the mafiagirl, the ironic,the smart,all the special things that make you so special...I think your soul will bring you exactly where you have to go, and one day you will find your special person, and you'll love him and be loved in return just like you deserve. It's not a question of naivety, I really feel it in my heart, because being realistic doesn't mean being discouraged. You're more beautiful than what you think, inside and outside, just let yourself see this reality.
I love you, my friend, and I'm so happy you're in my life. THANK YOU!!!
Posted by Linda on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 at 2:38 PM
Claudia
You know I love you. More than I could ever say or try to express in words...
Posted by Claudia on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 6:55 PM
"When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No, I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me,
so* Darling darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Or the mountain
Should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me, and
Whenever you're in trouble
Won't you stand by me, oh stand by me...
I remember living in a total nightmare during 7 years of my life...7 long years that made me change so deeply that when I look back at the person that I was, I can't even understand how I was able to deal with all the cruel things that were inflicted to my sister and my close family. I was Miss Syrup, the kind of person that believed in fairytales and that love always prevails over evil...I lost track of how many people tried to harm us, discourage us, betray us...when I believed that my world was perfect and family and friends would see us through, I discovered that when your life is not perfect anymore, most people disappear, even people from your family...specially if your problem takes too long to solve...everyone gets used to it and stops caring or thinks we are making a big fuss over nothing...
During that time, I had some very low, low moments when I was so angry at God and believed Him to be so unfair I wouldn't even open my heart to Him. And all the while I believed, I believed that some miracle would happen and I wouldn't feel so alone, so lost, so weak every single day anymore. Was this blind faith? Maybe... but that was what got me going. That blind faith and learning how to channel my anger towards making people see I would do it without their help, no matter what. So, during that time, I had to learn how to evolve from being daddy's girl to a Big Sister that knew how to make every thing right. The pressure on me was enormous and I had so many nights when I cried and cried myself to sleep because I was so afraid I wouldn't be capable to keep my sister and my nephew safe...All that time, I had to forget about how afraid of life I was because I had to fight these huge dragons for them...And I ended up discovering that taking a stand and fighting gives you courage, no matter how afraid you are, how small you feel...
The song I started my blog with, even if very old, was "discovered" by me and my sister Sonia the first time we were in America, in 88, I was 15 and she was 13. And we knew then that we would stand by each other forever. I do believe that deep down in our hearts we have some knowledge of the ordeals that await us. And I know no matter what, my sister Sonia will stand by me as I stood by her because that's the way it's supposed to be. So, if I had to do it all over again or for an even longer period of time, I would, no questions about it.
All the while, to make things a bit more challenging, I had this amazing abbility to fall in love with the absolutely wrong people. I was attracted to them like a moth to the light. And even though they knew I couldn't take anymore sufering, anymore hurt in my life, they took all the love I gave them because I made them feel better. They felt they were better persons for I only saw the beauty inside. Not their insecurities, not their frustrations, their selfishness...I only saw the amazing people they could be if they were not afraid to follow their hearts.
It is quite amazing how I could attract the same kind of people into my heart over and over again. But there is a reason for it though...When we are not aware of our own value,of what we are worth, we end up attracting people that thrive on other people's admiration, other people's affection.
I remember being very self-conscious of my looks since an early age. How could I not be, when my family is full of beautiful women and I ended up comparing myself with my sisters who were so popular and always knew what to say...And because I was a bit clumsy, a bit odd, I never felt I was pretty enough, that guys would only look at me after they were tired of admiring my sisters or so....All this, added to pure shyness made me very insecure, very uneasy with guys. So, when these "wrong" persons approached me, I felt quite blessed by life , for I was so undeserving of their attention...yes, quite pathetic...but it was the way I was back then, when I was in my twenties...
The good thing of getting older is learning from our experiences, from our mistakes...I like when life makes me open up my eyes and realize I have been oh so wrong about something. And one of the things I learned was that looks aren't everything. Because there are a lot of beautiful people with such ugly insides I cannot even see beauty when I look at them. And I am more receptive to beautiful souls than to beautiful faces right now..
Wow, such a long blog. I can't even recall why I started writing it. It had something to do with realizing how many people are tainted by life, by relationships. Because most people I knew suffered at one point in their lives or are still suffering from loving the wrong persons for them. Why are we so blind when we fall in love? Why don't we listen to that little voice in our heart saying something is not quite well? Because we are so involved in having that person in our life that we don't care about the price we must pay. But it should not be like that. Love should be only about loving and being loved in return...that's the whole point in love. Not loving only in 1-way mode...
4 Comments - 4 Kudos -
Julie
Such an amazing, heart-felt blog. It made me think. It inspired me. None of us are alone in this world, even though we think or feel that we are. This blog should be turned into an article in a magazine. Great writing.
Posted by Julie on Sunday, January 22, 2006 at 3:20 PM
Claudia
Thank you. I am trying to be worthy of more compliments from you...
Posted by Claudia on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 6:54 PM
Linda
I love you.
I love you for all the different things you are: the sweet, the strong, the funny, the unsecure, the shy, the lovely, the princess, the mafiagirl, the ironic,the smart,all the special things that make you so special...I think your soul will bring you exactly where you have to go, and one day you will find your special person, and you'll love him and be loved in return just like you deserve. It's not a question of naivety, I really feel it in my heart, because being realistic doesn't mean being discouraged. You're more beautiful than what you think, inside and outside, just let yourself see this reality.
I love you, my friend, and I'm so happy you're in my life. THANK YOU!!!
Posted by Linda on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 at 2:38 PM
Claudia
You know I love you. More than I could ever say or try to express in words...
Posted by Claudia on Monday, April 03, 2006 at 6:55 PM
Just came back from France and I am still adjusting to reality...It was heaven, being pampered and taken care of all day...and the meals were divine, I don't remember eating so much in my whole life...and the wine was superb...best white wine I ever tasted, I even bought a bottle to take home so I could share it with my family...
We were really lucky with the weather because we only got a grey, almost rainy day on the day we were returning home. My room was perfect, very princess-like, just my style. And it was fun being away from the office with people from the office. We were a very happy party of 8.Very noisy, maybe a bit too noisy for the Spa ambiance, that was supposed to be relaxed and calm. We were pretty hysterical all the time... One of the masseuses there had the best touch in the world, her hands were magical. I always ended up the massage session thanking her for the relief, for the pleasure, for her affection. It was something one could feel, her love for therapy , for making people feel better. I hope I get to be so very much like that, after a few years practice.
I guess I will be returning to myspace soon. I have been a bit distant because when I get home I am too tired to go there. I try to check my messages early morning when I get to the office, but not writing to anyone makes me having an empty inbox all the time, so I get a bit discouraged.
We are launching 2 new perfumes and even though everything is almost on schedule, there are far too many things I cannot control all the time and it pains me to feel impotent, to not know if I will have the materials on time, if proposals will be made on the deadline or not. I hate it but I am loving the challenge. It is soooooo much more difficult than what I used to do. And I want to know if I am up to it. I love this kind of situation. I just wish I had more energy to spare. More time to spend with my family and friends...Well...I will be trying to make the time in my life for those people. And the new perfume will be out in March, and the second one in May. And my life will be calmer from that moment on... I hope...
S
o, to those who complained about my lack of time and my lack of lines...it's not that I don't care. I do. every single day. I am just going through a bad phase and usually I withdraw when that happens...Give me a day or 2, or maybe a week...and I'll be my usually jolly self, and will write everyone.
Until then, just keep in mind that I DO LOVE YOU!!!!!!
2 Comments - 2 Kudos -
Julie
Yes, I'm with you!I've been the same, no time for myspace, no energy for anything else! Hope it gets better soon! I'm glad to hear that you had a good time in France, how couldn't you??!!!Lots of kisses and hugs! Send my love to Sonia , Nicole, and Julien as well! Love you!
Posted by Julie on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 12:25 AM]
♥ Ghetto Princess
Oh! eating great food, great wine & a massage.
La Dolce Vita!
So where is the perfume?
Posted by ♥ Ghetto Princess on Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 10:31 PM
We were really lucky with the weather because we only got a grey, almost rainy day on the day we were returning home. My room was perfect, very princess-like, just my style. And it was fun being away from the office with people from the office. We were a very happy party of 8.Very noisy, maybe a bit too noisy for the Spa ambiance, that was supposed to be relaxed and calm. We were pretty hysterical all the time... One of the masseuses there had the best touch in the world, her hands were magical. I always ended up the massage session thanking her for the relief, for the pleasure, for her affection. It was something one could feel, her love for therapy , for making people feel better. I hope I get to be so very much like that, after a few years practice.
I guess I will be returning to myspace soon. I have been a bit distant because when I get home I am too tired to go there. I try to check my messages early morning when I get to the office, but not writing to anyone makes me having an empty inbox all the time, so I get a bit discouraged.
We are launching 2 new perfumes and even though everything is almost on schedule, there are far too many things I cannot control all the time and it pains me to feel impotent, to not know if I will have the materials on time, if proposals will be made on the deadline or not. I hate it but I am loving the challenge. It is soooooo much more difficult than what I used to do. And I want to know if I am up to it. I love this kind of situation. I just wish I had more energy to spare. More time to spend with my family and friends...Well...I will be trying to make the time in my life for those people. And the new perfume will be out in March, and the second one in May. And my life will be calmer from that moment on... I hope...
S
o, to those who complained about my lack of time and my lack of lines...it's not that I don't care. I do. every single day. I am just going through a bad phase and usually I withdraw when that happens...Give me a day or 2, or maybe a week...and I'll be my usually jolly self, and will write everyone.
Until then, just keep in mind that I DO LOVE YOU!!!!!!
2 Comments - 2 Kudos -
Julie
Yes, I'm with you!I've been the same, no time for myspace, no energy for anything else! Hope it gets better soon! I'm glad to hear that you had a good time in France, how couldn't you??!!!Lots of kisses and hugs! Send my love to Sonia , Nicole, and Julien as well! Love you!
Posted by Julie on Friday, January 20, 2006 at 12:25 AM]
♥ Ghetto Princess
Oh! eating great food, great wine & a massage.
La Dolce Vita!
So where is the perfume?
Posted by ♥ Ghetto Princess on Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 10:31 PM
The best presents...
I got 2 great presents this year...a MP3 player, which was something I was wanting for the longest time. And until now I have no idea on how my friend guessed I wanted that...I guess he thought it was the perfect gift ever, since it's music related and he knows how passionate I am about that...
And the second present was this amazing snowflake Swarovski pendant that I will wear today for my birthday...It totally matches the silver/grey outfit my sister gave to me...and it shines a lot and makes me feel like a princess!!! This gift is particularly dear to my heart because it makes me remember the first day I saw snow...I woke up early in the morning, crawled out of bed and then turned to Linda with the amazing "It's snowing!" revelation! And this moment stayed in her mind, and she sent this lovely surprise to me...It made me cry...because I am so in love with surprises and wasn't expecting this...Grazie tante , my Linda!!!! And also many thanks to your dear mama!
I am going crazy with the million calls and sms I am getting today...not that I mind, when my friends don't remember my birthday I call them so they say happy Birthday to me. I just can't help it. I feel happy for being alive...for having them in my life, so my birthday is a celebration of all that...my director called me from Spain, before I whined at him for not remembering... Former boyfriends, relatives, friends, everyone getting in touch...I love it!!!
2 Comments
Linda
My little snowflake, please don't cry! It was just a pleasure for me to send you a little gift...a way for remembering that special moment forever
Now you need to prepare yourself for the CARNIVAL!!!!!
Posted by Linda on Monday, January 02, 2006 at 2:20 PM]
Leigh Leigh
Happy Belated , love..Oh and since i wasnt able to be at Helena;s xmas..i was there last night and she gave me the gift you had for me...that was so thoughtful, thankyou so much,Claudia..I miss you and Love you lots..xoxox
Posted by Leigh Leigh on Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 1:42 AM]
I got 2 great presents this year...a MP3 player, which was something I was wanting for the longest time. And until now I have no idea on how my friend guessed I wanted that...I guess he thought it was the perfect gift ever, since it's music related and he knows how passionate I am about that...
And the second present was this amazing snowflake Swarovski pendant that I will wear today for my birthday...It totally matches the silver/grey outfit my sister gave to me...and it shines a lot and makes me feel like a princess!!! This gift is particularly dear to my heart because it makes me remember the first day I saw snow...I woke up early in the morning, crawled out of bed and then turned to Linda with the amazing "It's snowing!" revelation! And this moment stayed in her mind, and she sent this lovely surprise to me...It made me cry...because I am so in love with surprises and wasn't expecting this...Grazie tante , my Linda!!!! And also many thanks to your dear mama!
I am going crazy with the million calls and sms I am getting today...not that I mind, when my friends don't remember my birthday I call them so they say happy Birthday to me. I just can't help it. I feel happy for being alive...for having them in my life, so my birthday is a celebration of all that...my director called me from Spain, before I whined at him for not remembering... Former boyfriends, relatives, friends, everyone getting in touch...I love it!!!
2 Comments
Linda
My little snowflake, please don't cry! It was just a pleasure for me to send you a little gift...a way for remembering that special moment forever
Now you need to prepare yourself for the CARNIVAL!!!!!
Posted by Linda on Monday, January 02, 2006 at 2:20 PM]
Leigh Leigh
Happy Belated , love..Oh and since i wasnt able to be at Helena;s xmas..i was there last night and she gave me the gift you had for me...that was so thoughtful, thankyou so much,Claudia..I miss you and Love you lots..xoxox
Posted by Leigh Leigh on Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 1:42 AM]
Friday, December 30, 2005
33...
I'll be turning 33 tomorrow...Life does go by so fast... I still remember being a little kid when it took forever to get to Xmastime and to my birthday...now is more like "What, Xmas already?" And now I'm in my 30's and I feel I am just getting started...weird...because I had the same "fresh" feeling when I got to the 20's...I wonder if I will feel like this all through the decades, no?
All in all, I had a wonderful year. Travelled a lot : to Spain, to Sweden, to the States. And next year is sounding good too: to France, to Italy and to the States again. I met so many nice people on these trips, that will be in my heart forever . I had some great moments, so many unforgettable times!
Now, 2006 is so near and there are so many decisions to be made, so many things to go through. I just got promoted and have to accomodate myself to a totally different kind of responsabilities and pressure. I have to finish the College course my company is paying for, no matter how little motivation I have for it because I am always too tired to study or even staying awake in class...
I'll definitely get started in yoga and belly dancing classes. I would like to keep having Spanish classes and be able to learn Italian along the way. These are the kind of resolutions I like to make. Little, small, accomplishable things...I like to aim for the stars regarding my life, but not in my next year things to do list... To be honest, I never make New Year's resolutions. These are things I would be wanting to do, whether the year is beginning or not.
I am spending New Year's Eve at my friend Beatriz' parents. Sonia and Marco will be going with me. We will sing and have fun all night long. So, it's going to be a great birthday, spent with some of the closest to my heart people. It's been years since the last time I did something on my birthday so I know it will be great. I will take photos and post them here eventually...
And to everyone...a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
PS - FEEL FREE TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!! I WILL LOVE IT!!!
3:18 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos -
Ines
Desculpa nao te ter dado os parabens prima, eu sou mesmo uma desnaturada, horrorosa! PARABENS meu amor, que os teus 33 anos sejam espectaculares e que realizes todos os teus desejos. Continua a viajar muito e a ser a pessoa bonita que es. Eu estarei sempre aqui, à espera que numa das tuas viagens passes por aqui, ou quando eu passar por aí para te abraçar com muito carinho.
beijos e saudades com muito amor
Posted by Ines on Sunday, January 22, 2006 at 2:18 PM
33...
I'll be turning 33 tomorrow...Life does go by so fast... I still remember being a little kid when it took forever to get to Xmastime and to my birthday...now is more like "What, Xmas already?" And now I'm in my 30's and I feel I am just getting started...weird...because I had the same "fresh" feeling when I got to the 20's...I wonder if I will feel like this all through the decades, no?
All in all, I had a wonderful year. Travelled a lot : to Spain, to Sweden, to the States. And next year is sounding good too: to France, to Italy and to the States again. I met so many nice people on these trips, that will be in my heart forever . I had some great moments, so many unforgettable times!
Now, 2006 is so near and there are so many decisions to be made, so many things to go through. I just got promoted and have to accomodate myself to a totally different kind of responsabilities and pressure. I have to finish the College course my company is paying for, no matter how little motivation I have for it because I am always too tired to study or even staying awake in class...
I'll definitely get started in yoga and belly dancing classes. I would like to keep having Spanish classes and be able to learn Italian along the way. These are the kind of resolutions I like to make. Little, small, accomplishable things...I like to aim for the stars regarding my life, but not in my next year things to do list... To be honest, I never make New Year's resolutions. These are things I would be wanting to do, whether the year is beginning or not.
I am spending New Year's Eve at my friend Beatriz' parents. Sonia and Marco will be going with me. We will sing and have fun all night long. So, it's going to be a great birthday, spent with some of the closest to my heart people. It's been years since the last time I did something on my birthday so I know it will be great. I will take photos and post them here eventually...
And to everyone...a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
PS - FEEL FREE TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!! I WILL LOVE IT!!!
3:18 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos -
Ines
Desculpa nao te ter dado os parabens prima, eu sou mesmo uma desnaturada, horrorosa! PARABENS meu amor, que os teus 33 anos sejam espectaculares e que realizes todos os teus desejos. Continua a viajar muito e a ser a pessoa bonita que es. Eu estarei sempre aqui, à espera que numa das tuas viagens passes por aqui, ou quando eu passar por aí para te abraçar com muito carinho.
beijos e saudades com muito amor
Posted by Ines on Sunday, January 22, 2006 at 2:18 PM
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